I have never run a marathon
I have never run a marathon

This sentence sniggers at me, bouncing up and down maliciously in my head as I face into the last few kilometres of my “vastly-less-than-anything-close-to-a-marathon” training run. It happens every time, just at that point when my legs start to feel like brittle, forgotten rubber.

I have never run a marathon
I have never run a marathon

My mind becomes a seething whirlpool of dark thoughts. Give up. Up here. Yes its me in the sky casting spells on you. You will vomit. Stop. Watch the dogshit. Dogs shitting. Charlie Haughey laughing at me. Paula Radcliffe going to the toilet as she runs. The runs. The concrete feels like slugs.

I have never run a marathon
I have never run a marathon

It really is amazing what I can think of as I battle the exhaustion of the last stretch. My brain wanders to the macabre. My shins burn form the excessive pounding of the pavement. It feels like my whole being is darkening, tempting me to stop. But then as I shuffle on, ever-closer to my front-door and the end, I begin to see the light.

I could run a marathon
I could run a marathon

I think of why I am doing it at all. I think of the many things I had never done a year ago – Swim around Ireland in a couple of days in the freezing Spring Ocean with 50 other people – Play and record music with a band of thirty others – Dress up as a woman and run the Flora Women’s Mini-Marathon with a group of about 20 girls (and another transvestite). I begin to recognise the cars of my neighbours as I run, my stride lengthening out with a Forrest-Gump-like magical energy. The hedges blur green at the edge of my vision. My house slides into view. Yes I can. I am Barack Obama. Hope.

I will run a marathon
I will run a marathon

And then. I am home.

Please support me in my lunatic endeavours as I attempt to join the elite club of marathoners, which includes such warrior-spirits as Reinhard Schaler, Cian Waters, Ciara Heneghan, Donal Earls, Ronan Misteil. Pádraig needs every bit of support he can get, and we need to keep pumping on in supporting him in any way we can. I would be very grateful if you could spare anything you can at all.
Go raibh míle maith agaibh ar fad. Leanfaimid ar aghaidh!!