On the 25 March 2017 I proposed to the most beautiful, kind and caring angel that I've ever known. At the time, Ann-Marie and I had been dating for a little over four years. By May of that year we scraped together every penny we had buy our dream home. Less than a year later I had to bury my beautiful bride to be in what I can only describe as the most difficult and devastating day in my life.

I don't really like exposing my grief in public. It’s not something I’m comfortable in doing. Like most people, I find it easier to keep everything bottled inside and pretend like everything is ok. But the reality is everything isn't ok for a lot of people out there including myself. So if there is anything in this world I most certainly do know, it's that Ann Marie would never want anyone else to go through what she did. I lost my fiance to suicide. It breaks my heart to write those words but that's the reality of what has happened. I can't hold or speak to Ann Marie anymore, as she is no longer here. My only hope is that there are people out there who read this story and understand what happened to me can and does happen to anyone. If you are reading this piece, then you are still here and hopefully you can see that taking a decision to leave this world causes no good. This - I can absolutely guarantee you. No matter what the situation is or what condition you are in, choosing to leave this world prematurely only causes destruction for those who love you. And if you don't think that there is anyone who loves you then you are wrong. Everyone has a parent, child, partner, wife, husband work colleague or friend whom they can connect with and these are the people who suffer when you leave this world. Suicide doesn't end the chance of life getting worse, it merely eliminates the possibility of life getting better again.

In reading the above, I just hope that people can see that this situation is now tragically common in Ireland. What hurts the most is how avoidable it feels. I didn't endure years living with someone who was struggling with their mental health. Anyone who ever met Ann Marie would know that she spent 30 years illuminating this planet with her kind soul and caring self. For 6 years we shared the greatest of memories together yet in 3 months, a cloud of darkness had taken away everything. If you know someone who struggles never stop trying to help them. Hold them, hug them, walk with them, talk with them, sit with them and support them in whatever way you can. Because people need support. This world is brutally tough without it.

On the 29th June 2019 it will be Ann Marie's 32'nd birthday. She won't be here but I would like to use the day to raise awareness for mental health in Ireland in Ann Marie's name as well as funding for a cause that means a lot to me. Pieta House has helped me through the most difficult time in my life through their counselling support services. On the 29th June I will be starting off from Ann Marie's final resting place in Eadestown and making my way to Blessington, Wiklow where there will be a group starting point scheduled to depart from Dunnes Stores Shopping Centre at 9am. From here we will walk 12km to Kippure Estate for lunch between 12.30pm and 1.30pm. People are welcome to join the walk at Blessington or alternatively at Kippure Estate. Once we depart Kippure Estate at 1.30pm we will walk a further 12km to the base of Djouce Mountain in Wicklow which is where we got engaged.

I'd like to extend the invitation to anyone who would like to come along and take part in some or all of the walk. You may or may not have known Ann Marie but the likelihood is if you are reading this then you will have been some way impacted by mental health issues either directly or indirectly. This walk is an opportunity for you to help raise mental health awareness in Ireland and funding for an extremely worthy cause in Pieta House in Ann Marie’s honour.

Walk for Ann Marie

Created by Fergal Nugent

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